Who am I

October 4, 2012

Fort Lauderdale, a place of beauty. Sunrise and sunset. Where I spent a few days on a  work trip full of meetings and training  These trips are fun, glamorous and a nice break from the usual daily grind of the retail world. This was my 3rd trip. The first destination New Orleans followed by Las Vegas. .But this trip was different, unlike the rest.

I had a break down.  . . .

You see I had been career pathing for years trying to move up and reach goals and conquer my field.

I had been on the right path until I had to make a choice between my family or my career. Things were getting too demanding, I was loosing myself, my stress level was sky high, relationships suffering, I sleep deprived but I had the title I wanted and was cashing in quite nicely.

I thought I could do it all, have the career AND family. After 6 months of unsuccessful baby making I realized maybe I couldn't have it all. At least not now.

I took a step down, a demotion in most peoples eyes. It was a decision I made to support and maintain the family structure I wanted. I thought the stress was standing in the way of getting the family.

This week while sitting on a yacht I realized here I am 6 months later I still don't have the career OR family I want or planned. I sacrificed my job, my title, my experience in attempt to have a baby that I am still unsuccessful in attaining.

Im feeling lost. As a professional control freak this is not a position I am familiar with. I work hard to get the results I want. I've climbed the latter and seen the view from the top of my field. But here I sit speechless  unfulfilled, unsatisfied with no idea what tomorrow will hold or what the future looks like.

I want the baby in my arms over the check in my pocket, the title or the respect from those in my field. Only I never thought growing my family would be so hard. I'm doing my part yet not getting the results. Im at a loss. No longer knowing the next step, left to ponder and over alazyse this situation.

Dramatic? Maybe.

But this is me, this is where I am at. I've lost my corporate identity with nothing to replace it.

Check up

June 28, 2012


Yesterday I had a DR appointment to make sure all is well in Baby Making Land.

She says we are still in the normal time frame and there's not need to freak out YET but next steps are blood work for me to make sure there are no abnormalities. She also gave a few tips and suggestions.

Here is some food for thought from http://naturalinfertilitycures.com/infertility-statistics

9/13/12

Here are some infertility statistics:

• 1.1% have to use artificial insemination (ivf) or intra-uterine insemination
• 3.8% of women have received ovulation drugs
• 4.8% will have to have some sort of fertility testing
• 5.5% will have to seek measures to help prevent miscarriage
• 6.1% have to seek professional counseling about infertility
• 11.8% of women will not only have trouble conceiving, but problems carrying a baby to term. This is known as impaired fecundity.

I'm trying to to stress and over analyze but its hard - I always took having a baby for granted and never once thought i'd have to work for it or that it wouldn't just happen when I wanted it.

Here we are months in. I know of a few friends and family who have suffered miscarriages and cant imagine the pain of that. Which is worse, your body refusing to make a baby or your body refusing the keep a baby? Both are 100% devastating and cause you to ask "WHY?"

Its been a year

Its been a year.

 A year  of

Disappointment

Blood Work

Struggle

Needles

defeat.

Medications

Anxiety

Isolation

Questions

Tears

Its been a year of

HOPE.

Monthly Meal Planning

The last few months have been hard to meal plan for due to lots of travel for the Misters work. Its hard to cook for 1 and I tend to gravitate to frozen food, no bueno I know but it is what it is.

In addition to planning meals I am also looking to grocery shop more strategically. This month I went to Costco and bought chicken and ground turkey, which are our two main meats that we typically use. 4 packages of ground turkey for $17 and 6 2 packs of Chicken for $21

The hubs is back and will be here until the beginning of October when we both head out of town for work followed by a wedding, Anniversary get away and a trip to my parents to see a sisters whos coming to town. Here is whats on our menu starting with our dinner tonight

Breakfast - Baked Egg Muffins (made ahead of time for the entire week)
Sunday = Chicken with Rice & Corn
Monday = Turkey& Stove top Meatloaf with green beans
Tuesday = Church Small group
Wednesday = Ravioli
Thursday = Dinner with Friends - its TRIVIA NIGHT
Friday = Hubs is on his own since I work late
Saturday = Weekend BABY - NO COOKING!

Sunday = Pizza, Wings & Football
Monday  = Another late night at work
Tuesday = Ravioli
Wednesday = Cheese Burger Pie
Thursday = Yet another late night
Friday = Chicken Pot Pie
Saturday = Weekend - No Cooking
Sunday = TBD

Well there you have it - Whats on your menu this week?

Egg Muffins

I'm a low maintenance breakfast kind of girl - if and when i eat breakfast its usually an uncooked pop tart in the car on the way to work. I spice it up with the occasional English muffin but that's the extent of it. My friend is my fitness inspiration for all things regarding health and working out. She posted a picture to instagram a week or so ago and it got me to thinking about expanding my breakfast options. She gave me the cooking instructions but the ingredients are all your own. Here is what I did

6 eggs

1/3 red pepper

1/3 green pepper

1/3 yellow pepper

onion

salt pepper

shredded cheese

Bake at 350 degrees

20-25 Minutes

I plan to microwave there's and toast an English muffin - add a slice of cheese and there we have a 2 minute breakfast on mornings when you're running late.

Football Season Is Here

I've been a fan of  foot ball since I was an  wee youngin'. I had no older brother and my father was not much of a fan but somewhere along the way I fell in love with the sport.

The Hubs and I met four years ago, when my BFF and I hosted a party for the 1st game of the 2008 season, where my Cowboys defeated his Browns From then on we've made it a point to go to as many games as possible and host as many parties as possible. There's just something about a live game and when watching at home its so much more enjoyable to be surrounded by food, friends and beer!

Last week I hosted our 2012 Season Kick off party. Many thanks to Michael's for all my decor and pinterest for food ideas (go on over and check out my Football board for all the links to recipes.)

While I've been a Dalls Cowboys fan for as long as I can remember - this year I have pledged my allegance to the Celeveland Browns so we've become a Borwns Fan Famaily.

What sport brings your family and friends together? How do you celebrate?

Pinspired Fashion

Linking up with the wonderful Table For Four for our monthly instalment of

 

 

Since the above is not true - I look for outfits I can build around pieces I already have.

Whats your pinspired style look like? Follow me http://pinterest.com/amieleaf/