September 16, 2012
I took a break from the baby making documentary because frankly - id rather forget this summer, there's not much I'd like to remember. Summer of 2012 held more heart break that I imagined, more questions than I have answers and more pain than wine can sooth.
Everything looks fine, keep trying, don't stress. I'm over those answers. Im still young but I had my heart set on a baby before I tuned 30. Now I'll just be happy to get pregnant before 30 but we are only a few short months away from me changing that to baby while I'm 30 or getting pregnant while 30. I know those milestones are in my head and that God laughs at our plans, but I don't think He laughs at our heart ache and have a hard time thinking He'd give me desires He has no intention to fulfill.
My prayer has become "God give me your best." I know his best is better than my ideas. His timing is better than mine and His plan will ultimately bring fulfillment.
All that said - I still need answers. We've started the journey of fertility/infertility treatment. The insurance company has been contacted, appointment requests have been sent. Hope of all hope - we'll get pregnant before we set foot in an office. Time will tell what God's plan is, I know one thing for sure - I want a baby and when he/she is in my arms all this pain will have been worth it. As I have said before and I know I will say again . . The End Will Justify The Pain It Took To Get Us Here.